'tis the season for credit card bills

jingle bells, batman smells, santa lost his way...

let's look at christmas gifts throughout my years:

young Joanna: barbie corvette

sorta-young Joanna: Whitney Houston cassette tape (greatest love of all!)

medium-young Joanna: leather jacket (clearly I was a badass)

college Joanna: cash (for booze, naturally)

and now, ... medium-old Joanna:

oh shit I just spent $850 on my car for tires and brakes how the f*ck am I going to pay for that???

Looks like Santa is bringing me a check made out to American Express.  Although apparently asking for the whole amount was a little much. At least Santa made a dent...

(sigh)... so much for the fun and excitement of opening presents on Christmas Day. Remember when it was so magical? Now its "your grown-ass child cannot pay her own bills," "use some of her inheritance now" and "bail her out one more time."

Longing for the good 'ole days where Christmas was about excess and things you don't need.

bibbity bobbity boo

Ok Mr. Universe, Ms. Give-me-what-I-want-Fairy, my Genie in a bottle with your stupid three wishes,

I appreciate all this work (and paychecks) you're throwing my way, but this isn't exaaactly what I meant.

Having two days off out of 20 is not what I was looking for! I am TIRED. And because I am TIRED I am having to pass up on fun stuff.  Like drinks with friends (you know how I hate to miss an opportunity to booze it up), birthday parties (hello, booze-portunity missed again!), and even line dancing (booze-a-thon!).  I've been forced to douse myself in Vitamin C just to keep from getting sick.

And to top it off, this "awesome" work you've been getting me? While not exactly "difficult," it certainly isn't what I thought I'd be doing with my life at this age.  I can see myself at my next high school reunion -

Classmate 1:

 I'm so amazing. I dance professionally for Alvin Ailey as their lead dancer.

Classmate 2:

I have two darling children that I home school and my husband is a doctor AND a lawyer!

Classmate 3:

 I was just the lead in a movie playing Brad Pitt's wife! (true story btw)

Classmate 4:

I've been traveling the world ending hunger and war! Joanna, what have you been up to?

Joanna:

Well, the other day at work I made reindeer water bottles...

So much for a little part-time gig to give me some extra cash during the week.  Now I am full-time mummy-juice, turkey-lollipop, craft-maker. Oh - and weekend teacher. Whew... I need a drink.

the anti-review

Goddam Bakersfield.

So I got asked suckered into working in god-forsaken Bakersfield again teaching the kids how to walk with a book on their heads.

Maybe I'm becoming numb or stupid or just used to it, but I am not hating it as much as I was at first. Maybe also because it isn't the heat of summer anymore where it "cooled down" to a whopping 105 degrees at 8:12 at night.

So they still pay a bunch extra and put us up in a hotel the night before.  We usually just stay in the same hotel that we teach the classes. Makes it super easy to just roll out of bed and go to work.  Well, a couple of times the company travel agent has put us up in the Padre Hotel.  I don't know if she thinks she is doing us a favor putting us in Bakersfield's attempt at Vegas/posh/hip/boutique hotel, but in reality she is putting us in the worst hotel I have ever stayed in.  Its like they spent all their money on showy things to make it look fancy and then forgot to spend money on the things people actually need in a hotel room, like a comfortable bed.  Their beds feel like you are lying on concrete.  I do not exaggerate.

If that weren't bad enough, in the three times I have been forced to stay there, they have not once been able to accommodate us with two beds. We reserve two, but then conveniently they are always "sold out" and cannot give us two beds. The first time, we got a roll-away, and it was actually pretty comfy.

The second time, they were "so swamped" that they were out of roll-aways and could offer us a "cot." Which a sweaty smelly man brought up and and proceeded to dress with a bottom sheet and a thin cotton blanket.  No top sheet, no comforter, nothing.  Oh, there was a pillow. When I went to try to lie on it, I realized that it was only about 2 inches thick and you could feel all the coils as though you were going to get stabbed by them all night long.

The third time, they brought a roll-away, but there was one small glitch.  It was so sunken in in the middle that you were in the boat pose from yoga if you tried to lie down.

I won't even go into the other details that sucked in the room, which were many, but instead focus on the piece de resistance.  This wanna-be-Vegas hotel has a nightclub on the second floor.  A nightclub that has an outdoor area.  That is in the MIDDLE of the square shaped hotel.  So the sound gets stuck/funnels up to all the rooms surrounding the outdoor nightclub. And if you think they spent no money on beds, they spent even less on soundproofing.  Your luxury curtains and Kohler sink do nothing for me when I am trying to sleep on concrete in what sounds like the middle of a club.

And then after that restful night's sleep, get up and drive 15 minutes to get to work. Which may not seem like much, but when you've already driven an hour and 45 minutes to get to a hotel where you slept like on a rock, you really consider shopping for a gun.

on the downhill slide

you know how some birthdays you feel so young and carefree, and then others you think "how the hell did I get so fucking old???" yeah, well I just had the latter.  When my mom was my age, she had a four year old (me, the darling one) and an 8 year old (my older brother).  I can barely pay my bills and am dating someone just out of diapers college. (relatively speaking) What the hell am I doing???

Ahh well, at least I'm not this guy. 

I was once told by a psychic that my late 30's - early 40's would be the start of big success in my career... is that the silver lining of getting older? Something to look forward to in the coming years? Can that success get started a little early please?

oh hold on, I think I just heard something... was that a knock at the door? no? is that just my imagination?

Hello? Opportunity? Anyone there? 

hmm... I'll just keep opening the door over and over again just in case.  ya never know.

Black Gold, Texas Tea, Swimming Pools, Movie Stars

I just turned down a job. An acting job. What is the world coming to????

(sigh...)

It was even a paid acting job. And a fun role. And up in Northern Cali for 6 weeks. But not paid enough. Who can live off of $275/week??? That is below the poverty line! I guess they can only hire trust fund kids.

too bad my oil money hasn't come in yet.

(double sigh...)

So I stay here in LALALand aimed on getting something even bigger and better than some dumb lead role in some dumb play in some dumb picturesque town for some dumb reputable theater company.

Hey Uncle Jed? How soon can I get adopted?

ha-ha-ha. ... not funny

remember when I was complaining about having too many things to do? Well, I guess I shoulda kept my big trap shut.

I cancelled my regularly scheduled teaching to go to the audition, I cancelled going to a screening with my bf to work the Betty job, and was pressing to shoot the unstitched stuff later in the day so I could "do it all."

And then...

Filming is pushed to next weekend.  My new Betty position - the bosslady is  sick.  Her assistant (wait... who was I supposed to be? Assistant #2??) will call back if they decide they want me still. The only thing I have left is my audition on Sunday.  Aaaand just like that, my weekend opened up again.

wiiiide open.  

Not quite what I was looking for! Time to create my own destiny.  dun dun dunnnnnn

anyone know anything about cloning?

ok Universe, when I said I wanted more work, I didn't mean for them all to fall on the same day. I am scheduled to shoot a sketch for Unstitched (see video below) on Saturday and on Sunday I have my regularly scheduled teaching gig.



And I have an audition on Sunday at the same time as I am supposed to teach, and I got a new Betty gig for Saturday and possibly Sunday.  Seriously??? And here I sit all day today and tomorrow with nothing to do. Even my hike-date cancelled on me for tomorrow morning.

How the hell am I supposed to be in all those places at once? Jeebus.  Time to prioritize.  Trouble is, do I choose paying bills or chasing the dream?

When does "or" become "and"???