the anti-review

Goddam Bakersfield.

So I got asked suckered into working in god-forsaken Bakersfield again teaching the kids how to walk with a book on their heads.

Maybe I'm becoming numb or stupid or just used to it, but I am not hating it as much as I was at first. Maybe also because it isn't the heat of summer anymore where it "cooled down" to a whopping 105 degrees at 8:12 at night.

So they still pay a bunch extra and put us up in a hotel the night before.  We usually just stay in the same hotel that we teach the classes. Makes it super easy to just roll out of bed and go to work.  Well, a couple of times the company travel agent has put us up in the Padre Hotel.  I don't know if she thinks she is doing us a favor putting us in Bakersfield's attempt at Vegas/posh/hip/boutique hotel, but in reality she is putting us in the worst hotel I have ever stayed in.  Its like they spent all their money on showy things to make it look fancy and then forgot to spend money on the things people actually need in a hotel room, like a comfortable bed.  Their beds feel like you are lying on concrete.  I do not exaggerate.

If that weren't bad enough, in the three times I have been forced to stay there, they have not once been able to accommodate us with two beds. We reserve two, but then conveniently they are always "sold out" and cannot give us two beds. The first time, we got a roll-away, and it was actually pretty comfy.

The second time, they were "so swamped" that they were out of roll-aways and could offer us a "cot." Which a sweaty smelly man brought up and and proceeded to dress with a bottom sheet and a thin cotton blanket.  No top sheet, no comforter, nothing.  Oh, there was a pillow. When I went to try to lie on it, I realized that it was only about 2 inches thick and you could feel all the coils as though you were going to get stabbed by them all night long.

The third time, they brought a roll-away, but there was one small glitch.  It was so sunken in in the middle that you were in the boat pose from yoga if you tried to lie down.

I won't even go into the other details that sucked in the room, which were many, but instead focus on the piece de resistance.  This wanna-be-Vegas hotel has a nightclub on the second floor.  A nightclub that has an outdoor area.  That is in the MIDDLE of the square shaped hotel.  So the sound gets stuck/funnels up to all the rooms surrounding the outdoor nightclub. And if you think they spent no money on beds, they spent even less on soundproofing.  Your luxury curtains and Kohler sink do nothing for me when I am trying to sleep on concrete in what sounds like the middle of a club.

And then after that restful night's sleep, get up and drive 15 minutes to get to work. Which may not seem like much, but when you've already driven an hour and 45 minutes to get to a hotel where you slept like on a rock, you really consider shopping for a gun.

bragging rights

Can I just say that I LOVE being in "the industry" this time of year? Free movies galore! Oooh-la-la!

You fancy, huh?

Here are some highlights:
- screening of the tv show Revenge followed by a Q&A with the cast (I heart Madeline Stowe!!)
- screening of the movie The Sessions followed by a Q&A with John Hawkes and Annika Marks. Do yourself a favor and watch this movie.  Helen Hunt and John Hawkes give award-worthy performances.  Like whoa. (Plus Helen Hunt gets all nakies and she is hottt for 49 years old.  She's hot for 29. Damn. I only hope I can look that good someday...)
- screening of the movie Argo followed by Q&A with Bryan Cranston (who you might know from Malcolm in the Middle or Breaking Bad ).  He just seems like the nicest guy you'd ever meet, like the guy you'd always want to have at your dinner party because he is so smart, humble, funny and could even hold a conversation with your persnickety old Aunt Myrtle.

- and my piece de resistance, where I literally almost had two friends stop speaking to me because I did not invite them as my plus one... Les Misérables followed by a Q&A with the director Tom Hooper and the actor that played Marius Eddie Redmayne. I die! I die!!!!!! I could just go on and on about how AMAZEBALLS this movie is.  Just you wait it will clean up at all of the award shows.  So good! (Remember to bring a kleenex.  Or three.)

Don't hate

On a side note, the idiot moderator kept referring to Eddie as the "breakout star" of the movie.  Uhmmm he's already won a Tony and been nominated for an Emmy. Not to mention he's also won a Critic's Circle award and way back in 2004 won something called the Evening Standard Outstanding Newcomer Award. *eyeroll*

Here's what I love about Q&A's.  You get to "meet" some of your idols and see what they are like in "real life." Here's what I dis-like/hate about them.  The moderators are (almost always) idiots and say really stupid stuff either fluffing the ego/embarrassing the person being interviewed or ask some equally stupid question nobody in the audience gives a shit about.  And there's always at least one person in the audience who doesn't really have a question to ask, but just likes the sound of their own voice and so they just blather on with nondescript compliments "that was really great" or "you were awesome" until they finally come up with something to ask or the moderator finally cuts in with "did you have a question?"  Or, their dad/mom/auntie/great-grandpa/friend-from-elementary-school was famous once and they want to tell everyone in the audience. Either way, completely annoying.

*side-side-note I did not get the weemen's gym job.  She said she would call me to let me know; she did not. I called and left a message to follow up and got no reply.  Meh.  Whatevs. 

And then he kissed me

Do you know what happened to me this week?????

I had date #2 (and subsequently #3) with Ryan*! He is sweet, *tall*, and we have great conversation.  And he is a good kisser!! Whoop Whoop!

Here's my y problema.  Date #2 we smooched, so date #3 I'm all kinds of flirty.  Hand on the knee, leaning in, touching the arm and from him: nothing.  I mean, he's showing me pix of mom and grandma and sharing his life (via pix on his phone), but... no touching? We leave the bar to walk for a minute and no hand holding, no arm-around-shoulders, nothing! WTF?

Anyway, I've not been swept off my feet yet...

Sunday had a first date with Herman*.  He has an unfortunate name.  Not sure if maybe his parents didn't like him much or what.  Anyway, he's not so tall, but really cute.  Dreamy blue/green eyes and a sweet smile.  The date gets off to a rough start in my book.  No, no, not what you're thinking - he buys my coffee. But he doesn't take off his sunglasses.  Uhm, ... can I see your dreamy eyes please? Well, he knows my penchant for fast cars and he happens to have a second car that is souped up specifically for speed and awesomeness.  He suggests a ride in the car.  Well at this point I honestly think I might not see him again but want a ride in that car. So I agree.  We go to his place so he can get the other car and we drive off into the mountains.  Well, his car is HOTT! mmm mmmm mmmmm gets my motor running.

(side note: in high school I went out with a guy because he had a convertible mazda miata.  seems I'm whore-ish for a hot ride)

We drive up the sexy road hugging curves and this man can drive.  Oh boy. We stop for a minute at the top and share a sandwich.  Well what do you know homeboy takes his sunglasses off! And he's funny! And sweet! And we have good convo and non-awkward silences! After the drive back down the mountain, he asks if he can see me again and I say yes!

Oh cupid and your silly arrow.  You've made love cars!


*names have been changed to protect the innocent. 

read this if you like cars

Test drove four cars yesterday.  To compare them to men - Versa: lose my number. Corolla: great to bring home to mom but a lousy lay.  Jetta: sexy bad-boy, but ultimately a heartbreaker.  Mazda 3: suspiciously perfect.  needs a second date to tell for sure.

Read on for more detailed reviews.

Nissan Versa

Nissan Versa.  Should be called the Nissan Slowza.  The Versa is a cute little hatchback and the interior is roomy.  But the poor misguided gas pedal. You push it, it makes lots of vroomy noises, but nothing happens.  I tested it on the freeway and immediately got off the first exit.  This is LA, people.  I'm gonna get run over if it doesn't get up the on-ramp.  This car falls in the category: I'd rather take the bus.

Toyota Corolla

Next up, the trusty gas-efficient Corolla.  Let me tell you, if you decide to buy this car you must at least get an exciting color (like red, electric-blue) because that will be the ONLY thing exciting about your ride.  I mean, its... fine.  The handling is a little squirrely.  But it gets good gas mileage!  And you might fall asleep at the wheel because it is so boring and dependable.  Category: If I have to.

VW Jetta

Jett-ahhhhh.  Zippety doo dah! 2.5L engine.  Biggest engine of the ones I'm testing. Nice bling-y insides.  Ooooh me likey! Buzz-kill. Talked to car-expert-brother and he says Jetta's are expensive to fix and break down a lot.  Plus the nice vroomy engine guzzles the most gas. Some quick calculations (with current gas prices) projected an extra $500 a year in gas over some of these other models.  So its a cheaper car up front with more on the back end.  Some might call that junk-in-the-trunk or A$$.  ha.  Category: My lead foot is drooling. My wallet is clenched like a prisoner on his first day in jail.

Mazda 3

Zoom Zoom.  Now we're talkin.  Gas mileage: eco/wallet-friendly.  Engine: decent 2.0L.  Bells and whistles: ringing and whooting. Do I just get it? I really like it.  We have a few more appointments lined up.  Do we wait to buy and see the other cars? What if this one is gone and we don't like the others; then we're back at square one! Ahhhhh! This is so stressful!!!! I need a cookie!