swindle-bots

The Tinderland adventures continue....

Recently I have noticed some guys "about me" sections are filled with bitterness about why bother writing this section when this app is all about looks, and how they keep matching with "bots" and are there any real profiles on here, etc. One guy in particular apparently matched more than once with a girl whose phone mysteriously stopped working and wouldn't you mind going to my website?

insert credit card number here...

I feel only slightly lucky that there don't seem to be such "bots" luring the women.

First of all, who do these men expect to attract with their bitter-betty attitudes? And second, these guys are usually not very good looking. No looks and a shitty attitude? No wonder they only match with people trying to sell them something!! And clearly they have no brains either because they fall for it...

well.


Dear these men,

On a scale of 1 - 10, you are clearly a 4. Maybe even a 6 on a really really good day. If you match with a woman who is a 10+++, you are mistaken if you think she really likes you. Capitalists are everywhere, and as one can tell by the absolute infinite amount of porn on the internet, every advertising campaign ever, and the website www.sugardaddyforme.com, they especially prey on men who are thinking with their dicks.

Maybe next time work on your attitude, take a trip to the gym (or 20), and post something about yourself someone might want to know, not just how you have been swindled. Oh, and maybe just maybe, if she looks like she's out of your league, she is.

Sincerely,
Every woman in your Tinder feed

well hellooooo ladies...

Got myself a job interview at a women's only gym.  (or as my dad would say, 'weeeeemen's gym,' pronounced like Oscar Mayer's 'wiener')  even though the last time I worked at a gym I gained weight and was completely micro-managed.  I interviewed with the assistant manager lady and seemed to win her over, although the interview was über-short and felt like she was rushing through it.

She ended the interview by letting me know she would be seeing some other applicants, and would let me know by next Monday.  Why do I feel like I shouldn't be holding my breath?

On a side note, I had to wait a bit in the lobby before my meeting, and I got a look at the clientele... let me just tell you it is most certainly NOT the ladies-only gym of men's fantasies.  The women I saw coming and going were mostly average-sized to overweight and with a few exceptions, all over 40.  PLEASE know that I am not hating on these women! Good for them that they are taking care of themselves and making time for their health.  I'm just saying it's ... well, it is what women would expect a women's only gym would be.

Bahahahahaha! Ha! Ahem. 

Yes.  but maybe less makeup and hairspray.  and after a year's membership. 

Who knows, maybe I'll get the job and look like the lady in the first picture.  Gills and all...

aaaand SCENE.

thank you ladies and gentlemen, but joanna has left the building.

AhThank HYew, thank yew vrry much.  Uh huh.

Yeah so remember when I had a momentary thought that I might actually make decent money at that horrible job doing demos of a slice/dice kitchen tool in stores? Bahahahahahahaa! Yeah, about that. What I thought was maybe an upswing in my income was just a small blip in an otherwise flat line.

DOA

Anyway, I most certainly did NOT rescind my resignation so I am once again unemployed... sigh...

Lucky for me, both Mom and Dad will be coming out this week for Thanksgiving.  That should be fun exciting ... interesting.  Thankfully they stay in a hotel when they both come to visit so I will at least be spared from their scrutiny for a few moments of each day about why I cannot seem to find gainful employment or a boyfriend. The good news is I don't have to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and they'll pay for meals.  Whoopee.

Princess Joanna

It astounds me how many low-paid jobs there are out there.  I live in Los Angeles, where a shit-hole apartment in a not-so-great part of town runs monthly from $600 (for a bachelor) to $1000 (for a one bedroom).  There is an abundance of jobs that pay between $8-12/hour, or $12-15 for skilled, experienced workers.  Assuming you work 40 hours a week, that is approximately $20,800 - $29,120/year.  Before taxes.  Your take-home each month would range from $1213 - $1698 a month.  Let's say you want something extravagant, like a stove or a kitchen sink, your rent is conceivably EIGHTY PERCENT (80%) of your total income.   And don't get me started if you actually wanted to live in a decent part of town.

I am by no means a princess (although my father would disagree), but I will NOT work for these low wages.  Unemployment pays more than most of these jobs!

editor's note: Alice in Wonderland, not a princess

And if I'm being perfectly honest, some of these jobs paying $unlivable-wage/hour I wouldn't even qualify for!! I mean, I'm college educated, have held positions of management, ran offices, run the seating for one of the busiest restaurants in Manhattan, and played mommy for multiple children.  I'm not exactly skill-less. Buuuuut I don't know HTML, don't have any kind of teaching credential, I'm not bilingual, can't say I have past experience doing "extensive script coverage," graphic editing skills, and the list goes on and on... all for under $15/hour.  Puh-leeeeeze!

Just to give an example (and I know it was NYC, but still), 10+ years ago I was making $15/hour as a hostess at a nice restaurant. I just quickly surfed CL and found three similar positions.  One was $9/hr, one $10/hr and one for $12/hr.  Not that I would want these jobs, but my restaurant experience was so long ago I probably wouldn't even get hired anyway!

This job-hunting business is one of the most painful, grueling processes ever.  Like, worse than braces.  And I wore headgear.

Not actually me.  Some poor wretch from google images. 

Is it so much to ask that I can have a job that doesn't suck horribly, pays my bills and then some, and is flexible enough that I can audition whenever they come up and I get to sleep late some days? Or do I have to suck it up like most Americans and live a life of mediocrity and squashed dreams?

Maybe one day (a long time from now) I'll give up the dream and marry for money. You know, because there's tons of guys looking for a trophy wife over 30...

yeah... she's really into him. 

*to be fair, there are jobs out there that I would qualify for that would pay in the $60-100K range, but I would have to sell my soul to some gawd-awful company that would bleed my dry emotionally.  And I just don't like crying on the way to work.  It smears my mascara. 

Run Horsey Run

so it seems I went from underworked to overworked, from not making enough money to still not making enough money, and from no job prospects to a multitude of job prospects.

I currently have two jobs. I have a weekend job (that sucks) and a weekday job (supposedly is going to get better but it doesn't feel likely).  My sweet friend Molly is recommending me to a friend of hers looking to hire a couple of people; a former co-worker says she would love to get me hired at the store she is managing (they aren't hiring now but hopefully will have a spot in the near future); and my dad has some work he wants me to do!

I have two men trying to get into mi pantalones at the moment as well, although neither one is looking for more than some horizontal mambo-ing so the poor cretins will be sorely disappointed.

I seem to have attracted a disfigured version of what I want, but not what I want! I have jobs, but not the perfect one; I have boys, but not men! How is it that I have made so much progress but still feel like I've just lurched through the starting gate?

run, horsey, run!

Thank the sweet baby jesus that I at least have a wonderful zoomy zippy little mazda that I am truly growing to love.  Yes, I said it -- the "L" word! Who knew I could love a little econo-box so much? Amazing gas-mileage, moderately zippy little engine, comfy interior, razzle-dazzle red color... what's not to love? Well, it isn't a BMW 135i sport package with paddle shifters and red leather interior...

*drool*

buuuuuut... it is also a good $20K cheaper.  ka-chiiing! I guess for now I will count my blessings that at least one area of my life is going pretty much how I'd like, and that I have a little love in my heart.  Even if her name is Linda B Johnson, she has a convertible stick shift, and has been gently used.

Workaholic

so it seems I went from being "underemployed" to being a "workaholic."  Between my weekend job and my weekday job I seem to be working seven days a week.  This is not OK.  When I started this journey I wanted a job so I could pay bills, not two jobs and no life.

Luckily, my daddy-o is coming to town and let me tell you, I am a daddy's girl. Pretty much a bat of an eyelash, twirl of the hair, tear in the eye, or other such maneuver and out comes Mr-daddy-fix-it.  Not to sound ungrateful! I am eternally grateful for my amazing dad.  And his wallet.  And his generosity! And supportiveness!  Wallet.  And his belief in me! *winkandsmile*

More importantly, what this means is I am taking the weekend off!!!! And it will be a 3-day weekend!!! Hallelujah! AND I get to participate in the Yoga for Hope Event with my bestie Claire!
(*hint*hint* donating money to a really good cause is... really good)

My sweet wonderful daddy-o, upon finding out I was writing this blog sent me a ream of xeroxed copies of some of my original work from when I was 11 years old.  Clearly I was gifted from a very young age:

First, a Triplet:

Good Day 

"Good Morning!" I say
"Nice Day isn't it?"
"Yes." Betsy answered. 

Poetic genius!

Limmerick:

There once was a boy from Rome
He had never used a comb.
His hair was a sight;
It never looked right.
A boy like that should stay home. 

It is true I like a well-groomed man...

Haiku:

A blade of dry grass.
Not living, never again.
Just standing, dry, dead.  

Jeez, depressing much? I swear I was a happy kid.

Bio poem:

Joanna
smart, loves to dance
sibling of Evan
crazy about stikers [sic], dancing and running
who feels nervous in church, happy-go-lucky at home, carefree, dancing
who fears tarantulas, scorpians [sic], spiders
who would like to see the Grand Canyon, Bill Cosby and the Effel [sic] Tower
Resident of Georgetown, Houston
Kelly

who is this stranger who likes running? although apparently she is smart, loves dancing and sweats like a whore in church, so it must be me.  And you know what? I've seen the Grand Canyon and the Eiffel Tower! Dreams do come true! Anyone know Mr. Huxtable and want to introduce us? Pretty please???

OMG would you look at that sweater!?!?