first weak, I mean, week.

You know what disease is right? Dis-ease.  Like when your life is so shitty you make yourself sick so you don't have to face it. Well, I stressed myself out so badly about this stupid job that I actually made myself sick.  So what was supposed to be my first day in-store with all the other trainees, I called out sick and was feeling just awful. Like actually sick with green boogies and everything.

(hope this isn't copyright infringement)

I laid around all day sleeping and watching TV, and by the evening I was feeling a bit better.  I should have tried to spend some time with my script, but I felt so tired and crappy that I barely glanced at it.  The next morning I wake up and am feeling slightly better.  Except that since I missed the day before, I now have to work a double shift to make up for what I missed. So I am at this store from 8AM - 9:30PM.  By the end of the day I am beyond exhausted.  BUT victorious, as I have done my first official presentation! ...After spending 20 minutes in the produce cooler of the grocery store practicing my script.  No one bought anything, but I made it through without any major mishaps.  Wahoo!

The next day we are back at the same store and I'm there for a regular shift.  I do a two more presentations.  I actually sell something! I am NOT A TOTAL FAILURE!!!!! Let me tell you a little something about this store.  It is in da' hood.  I stick out like a white thumb.  And the people that are watching my presentations, they don't know that my nickname in some circles is "blackness," or that when I was a kid I wished I had hair like the black girls in my class because unlike my super-fine-listless-hair those girls were always beautiful in plaits or braids or twisted ponytails, or that in high school I went to leadership camp (and later was a counselor) that taught teens how to fight prejudice and bring tolerance and peace into our schools and neighborhoods. Maybe I was projecting (and by "maybe" I mean "totally"), but I felt like they looked at me as this crazy white lady trying to swindle them into buying something.  And maybe that's because I am a crazy white lady and I was trying to swindle get them to buy something.

found under google images of "crazy white lady"

Anyway, I seem to improve with every presentation, so I'm going to collect my guarantee money from this week and head into next week with an open mind and hope that things get better from here.  Because they surely can't get worse.  Right??