Romcom-Reallife

All I learned about love came from cheesy 80's movies, where men vie for the attentions of unattainable women, nerds get the hot girl/guy, bad guys get the good girl, and if you pester someone enough they will fall in love with you.

Nerdy (hot) Patrick Dempsey was willing to spend his hard earned cash for a pretend girlfriend.

Lane was willing to nearly kill himself skiing for Monique

Many moons ago I was engaged to a guy who broke things off, then we got back together, then broke things off, then got back together... and so on, and finally I ended things because of my reasons. But I always held out hope that he would come chasing after me and (in the figurative sense) show up outside of my sister's wedding in a porsche 944.

But, heart-crushingly, he did not. Fortunately with time and wisdom I see that it all turned out for the best, but there is that little 80's kid part of me that still wanted to be worth storming a castle.

Well, last fall I dated a guy Hank* for a few months, and he seemed to be quite the catch. Handsome, funny, considerate, loves animals, liked me... and then he couldn't handle being in a relationship at the same time as having a sick and dying dog. So, things fizzled out. I was really sad, but hiked up my big girl panties and moved on.

Well, the beginning of the year marked a Happy New Year text from Hank, and then he proceeded to spend the next few months "liking" my facebook posts and photos, and then it all culminated with a facebook message (not a text, even though surely he still had my number) that he would like to take me out for dinner. When he returns from working in Boston. In four months.

Uhmm... OK? I mean, sure? Not sure what he wanted from dinner. So I waited. And waited. And then finally a phone call asking me to dinner. I agreed, not knowing what he wanted. My best guess was he felt badly about how things ended and wanted to make amends so that we could "be friends." Sure, buddy, whatever. I had said everything I wanted to say when we ended things, but he didn't really, so maybe he was just holding on to that and needed closure. I figure, free dinner is worth letting him feel better about himself. So I go... and really nothing prepared me for what I was met with.

Hank basically fulfilled my every 80's movie fantasy by letting me know he took full responsibility for how things ended and that he wanted to date me again, if I was willing to date him.

holy sh*t

This is basically what dinner looked like:

the movie where I learned the sax is sexy

I was floored, to say the least. And he was leaving the next day for a trip, then back to Boston for work. But he wanted to fly me to Boston for a date. Lawd have mercy. Every 80's fantasy rolled into one. We ended dinner with me needing to collect my thoughts, and him getting on a plane.

What is next for Hank and I? Not sure... but even if it is nothing, my inner 80's kid is glowing, knowing she is worth fighting for.

Nobody puts Baby in the Corner

*y'all know I never use real names, duh. 

conspiracy theory?

I almost don't even know where to start with this one.  I mean, it can't be a joke, can it? Or maybe it has to be.  It just seems too real, too scary.  Of course, I saw Blair Witch the first day it came out and didn't know it wasn't real.  What? They advertised it as real!! I'm also very gullible...

OK.  So this guy "OurGovDid9-11"* looked at my profile page.  And I just had to look.  Not only because of the cray-cray username, but because this was his profile pic:

admits he hasn't had sex in THREE YEARS

So then I start reading the profile summary of this crazy-ass mother fucker guy.  I don't even know how to summarize.  So I will quote.

The life you are living is a lie.
It is based on a series of events and value systems that have been deeply seeded into your consciousness, values that are dark, with events that are contrived.
Watch a video of WTC7 being taken down, and you will have no doubt that the twin towers were also demolished. Not one piece of plane wreckage was found at either the pentagon, or the supposed plane crash in Pensylvania. Our Government orchestrated the events of September 11, 2001.
The reason you are not allowed to know the truth is the same reason you are kept a slave, working a job that you hate, for less money than your soul is worth.
Control.
They have controlled you since birth, from finger printing you, to documenting you in number form (SS#). You are livestock in their global trade, nothing more than a unit to profit off of, as your children are sold into the exact slavery you yourself are in.
Dating is unimportant, if all someone is going to do is reproduce another human who buys into a false system of beliefs.
As far as I am concerned...
There is not much to say really, my childhood was typical, meditation classes at 5, wizard lessons by 8. My third eye and other chakras developed nicely. I spent summers expanding my consciousness, winters being reflective. Spring and fall being periods of transition.
I had visions of events about to happen often, and was able to see the true intentions of man on a regular basis. Some were good, most were of world domination and oppression of the slave class (anyone not in the world controller class). Independence of mind, is not independence of action, try walking around for just one day naked and see how independent the system actually allows you to be. It is a system designed to keep you a slave your entire life, and it is very successful in achieving that goal.
I would enjoy many leisure activities, including yachting, first class travel, and skiing the alps.
Have you ever placed an amp at the edge of a yacht in the middle of the night and communicated with the whales using a guitar?
I also play basketball, golf, table tennis, and guitar.
I am able, aware, and have actualized how much soul energy the machines are vampiring from humanity to build their infrastructure to one day take over the planet, as they have so many others.
Welcome to, the truth.

Ahhh! The Truth! I was wondering what people were calling the Mental Ward these days.  His childhood typical?  Yeah, pretty much.  I mean, I was certainly reflective in the winter (I have very pasty white skin) and spent summers expanding my tan, I mean, consciousness.  And so in his mind, the machines vamp soul energy from humans, but you love yachting and first class travel? What kind of yacht and first class travel do you use? Hand paddle and perambulatory? He doesn't list his occupation... I wonder if he works at the Post Office? And just to complete the tirade: 

What I'm doing with my life: Being a free radical, one that is changing the very world you live in without you knowing it came from me.
I'm really good at:Knowing that I know nothing.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food:The Princess Bride is the most entertaining book I have ever read. The Holy Mountain and Koyaanisqatsi are the most meaningful movies ever made.

He read the Princess Bride? WTF?? I will finish off with a few more pix from his profile because I am sure you are sick of reading about this deranged and likely serial killer's profile.

"I'm bringing phrenology back, you don't know where it's at, take em to the bridge."

"My toilet, I am unashamed of where I empty myself."

 Uhm, Kelly Slater , do you know that you surf on a crazy man's terlet?


*name slightly changed to protect the mentally unstable. 

kill me now

So remember that job I interviewed for yesterday? Well, they love me, natch.  (I mean, who wouldn't??) Buuuuut what I thought was a job where I could work from home at least some of the time (ie. go out on auditions, goof off, write blogs) It is actually a chained-to-a-desk-and-phone noose-around-my-neck 7a-4p M-F job. Gahhhh!

I mean, I need that paper like whoa, but at what expense? (get it? money:expense? ha. ehhhh)

So I have a second interview today with the big boss man who is apparently going to grill me about how many calls a day I made at my previous jobs, and probably some kind of productivity report or micromanager chart of how I was successful.  Somebody shoot me now.

Isn't there a job that will make me piles of cash but not suck years off of my life?

Big boss man on the left, me on the table. 

Stay tuned... something may be on the horizon...

a day off!

So momma and I have been hard at work for 6 days, and even she thinks we deserve a day off.  Thank the sweet baby jesus.

so today we slept in, brunched, got our nails done, filled up the gas tank (thank you momma Mastercard), and went to a baseball game.

Astros vs Dodgers

Now I don't really love baseball, but mom does, and I have a penchant for stadium food.  I eat fairly healthy normally, but get me to a sporting event and I am Fatty McPatty.  Tubbs MacGee.  Gluttonous Glolliford.  Lets just say I ate no less than a Dodger dog, garlic fries, a huge beer, nachos and hot chocolate.  Oink.  This little piggy went to market.  And by market I mean Lardsville.  And by Lardsville I mean we stayed until the top of the 9th.

********************

Mom leaves tomorrow.  Will I be OK? Will I fall into the Pit of Despair?

Best. Movie. Ever.

(sigh...) no more momma-hugs, no more home-cookin', no more Mastercard... no more guilt trips, no more dis-approving looks, no more holocaust movies... Maybe I will be all right.