rude boy

no, that's not an insult, that's his username.  "rudeboy" emailed me the other day on the dating site.  With that username, you know I had to check him out.  Who on earth would advertise their rudeness? For starters, someone who is 33 years old, lives in suburbia, is really good at "grilling, drinking, being whitty [sic], slappy ass banter, stirring up some humor, posting and roasting" and the first thing people notice about him are his "top notch social skills." One of the six things he could never do without is "herbs" and he spends a lot of time thinking about "blazing a fire."  Something tells me this guy might be a total pothead.  And by "might be a total pothead" I mean "definitely is a total pothead." He sounds like a real winner.  And by "winner" I mean "loser."  Here's a picture he used to advertise himself.

Its funny because he's pretending to drink the beer in the poster.  Ha...

To his credit (possibly the only one) he states, "My sister is gay and if you think she is going to hell then you can fuck your face." So he's not a complete ass/is not homophobic.

My curiosity got the best of me and I emailed him back asking about his username.  I just couldn't believe that someone would actually A) be cognizant that they are a rude person and B) promote that feature of themselves as a username.  It turns out that Rudeboy is one of the many names that Rastas call each other.  He apparently has been "into the movement" since he was a teenager and assured me he is not actually rude.  Mmmyeahh.... someone's gotta tell this guy that 99.99999% of the women on this site are not going to know that particular Rastafarian term of endearment and are just going to ignore you because they think you're rude.  Or they will look at your profile and realize you're a suburban wastoid pothead who wishes he were cooler than he actually is and still ignore you.

*feeling the slightest bit guilty about the name-calling, but he started it.  :-p

Bitch better have my money

Smartypants girl that I am, when I went to open a new savings account early this year, I researched online and I found the one that had the highest interest rate.  (I wanted a savings account as opposed to some other kind of account so I could very easily get to my money.) The winner was CIT Bank because its rate was about 1%.  This is still pretty small I know, but it is higher than anything else I found and I'd rather have more interest than less. Right? 

WRONG. These jerks have been politely taking my money as I deposit it into the account every month, smiling all the way.  I should have known something was up when their website (which has all of the modern day security measures) looked like it was from 1994.  I mean, seriously.  Trying to navigate this thing I felt like I should be using dial-up. 

And now that I try to take my money out and put it right back into my checking account (oh yes, the very same bank account they have been oh so happy taking money out of) they have to get approval from the Commissioner or some sh*t like that.  

What does Batman think of this money transfer? Is Evil afoot? 

So I call them to say WTF where is my money? And they say sorry little girl, your money is being held captive until we say so.  And no, you cannot wire the money. No, you cannot have it until maybe a few more days have gone by. Yes we know your first request to transfer the money was over a week ago.  It will just be a little longer, dearie.  Muah-ha-hahaaa...

Dear Mr. President, 

Please pretty please with sugar on top, REGULATE THE F*CKING BANKS ALREADY! 

Thank you.

Sincerely, 

A Fan

giving back

This weekend I volunteered with an organization that has provided so much possibility in my life.  A lot of people have called it a cult, but if it is, then it is a cult that lets you have anything you want for your life and a cult I don't mind being a part of because they don't make you believe you are going to be taken away by spaceship to God after drinking poison.

to go to heaven you must wear Nike shoes.  for the spaceship. 

Seeing as how I'm just starting a new job and won't get any money from it for at least three weeks, I certainly do not need to be spending the $40 in gas I will be driving through this weekend (and tuesday evening) but sometimes you just give a little.  and karma usually then gives you a lot.  at least, that's the idea.  

Anyway, this weekend I met a guy who, personality-wise, I was TOTES crushing on! OMG we were just laughing and having so much in common and wow! zing! But.  He is just SO not my type.  Facial hair (yuck), slicked back, slightly balding ponytail (double/triple yuck), and a few extra pounds (not horrible, more like final whammy). And I was pretty sure he was crushing on me.  Flattering me, standing close, etc.  So Sunday I didn't have cash to park in the parking lot so I parked on the street.  FAR away.  And this is in a very sketchy neighborhood.  So I asked the people I was volunteering with if one of them could give me a ride to my car that night, since it was about 11:30PM and I am a lady alone.  Well, homeboy offers to give me a ride.

Ruh Roh

Presumptuous me, I think, "uh-oh.  he is crushing on me and it is going to be awkward somehow.  He is going to either try to kiss me or ask me out or give me an awkwardly long hug or something." Ha! None of the above.  Very regular, normal, average, coulda-been-anyone ride to my car.  Whew.

So then he sends me a friend request on Facebook.  I accept.  Homeboy has a girlfriend! He is not interested in me at all! His profile pic is of the two of them and if pix are to be believed (and he has albums full) they are totes in love! ... 99% of me is glad.  relieved, even.  and then the 1% (with all their wealth, power and country club friends) was devastated that she is unloved.  even by goatee-balding-ponytail-man.