Dumb-a Zumba

For about the past year, I have been doing P90X3 with Tony Horton hears a Who and I have been getting a bit tired of the same-old Tony.

So about two months ago, I joined a gym to mix things up. I have been trying out some of the classes, and last week I tried Zumba for the first time. I am not a dancer, but it's not like I have two left feet either. I can carry a tune in a bucket and I have a left and a right foot. But... I looked a bit like a daddy long legs trying to be Ginger Rogers.

Not cute. There was a woman right in front of me that was, ahem, larger than most of the other women in class, but let me tell you... she was Zumba Queen!! She was sexy, sassy, and Zumba'd her ass off! I was so jealous of her hips that didn't lie. To quote Shakira:

And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it
So you can keep on shaking it

I coulda watched her shake it all night! She had this darling skirt over her capri leggings, a tank with a bright sports bra underneath... If I take it again I will wear a cute outfit and put my hips through a lie detector test and then maybe just maybe I won't look like such a spaz.

Tony vs. Stuart

Ok, so I've been doing these P90X3 workouts now for about three weeks, and I just now figured out who Tony Horton reminds me of... it was today on one of the videos when he said (as I've heard him say before on other vids), "This is what 50 looks like!"

I couldn't find the exact line on the youtubes, but here is the closest thing I could find:

Ok, now watch this next video and tell me you don't see the resemblance:

uh, huh? right?!?!?!

and one more, just for good measure:

"I'm Tony Horton and I'm FIFTY! FIFTY years old!!"

nothing tastes as good as thin feels. except maybe chocolate. and cheese. and ice cream. and pizza...

Fat and happy.
Just an expression, right? well guess what? I'm miserable and (getting) thin! yeah!  Let's hear it for the breakup diet!

(or, what really happened) I realized I've put on a substantial amount of weight in the past year and a half, so I decided to do a 30 day challenge with Beach Body. What this means is instead of my beloved cereal for breakfast, I have a protein and superfood shake. And instead of sitting on my lardass on the sofa, I work out. To Tony Horton. *shudders*

Actually, everyone hates you. 

Seriously, I think he is the MOST annoying person on the planet!  I don't even think the other people in his videos like him. They just like the idea of being on a P90X video, and getting paid for it. You'll see them on the break or after the workout hugging each other, giving each other high-5's, and then Tony comes around and they all act like "oh yeah, Tony, right. yeah, man, here's your hug-5. please hire us again for more of your videos." Even though I'm still not really familiar with all the routines, I have to put the video on mute. I just cannot hear his lame ass jokes, his narcissism, and his trying to be cool.  Dude, you were never cool growing up, and you're not cool now.  You just have something everyone wants. If you didn't have that, no one would talk to you.

On the plus side, (or minus?) I've lost over 8 pounds in two weeks!

Today I ran (ok, ok, jogged/walked) a 5K. I fucking hate running. But I also have learned about myself that I don't like to follow rules. But how can I commit to the results if I don't commit to the rules?

So, off I went. I didn't want to have to drive a path first to mark out 3.1 miles, so I downloaded this app called Map My Run.  I don't like running on busy streets, so I found a quiet little neighborhood and, well, see if you can see my route...

What!?!? So I was running in circles. Ain't no shame.  It's not like it is my life! Oh wait...