Just the other day, I'm returning the call of a gentleman who had inquired about the help-button. Well, Mr. Jacob Truelove* (yes that's really his last name!) from Louisiana was quite the, er, uh... talker! He was calling since he's 81 and lives alone at "the lake." Our conversation went something like this:
Me:
Hi Jacob this is Joanna from LifeClick*
JT:
(in a thick Louisiana drawl) Well hi there Jo-Annaw
Me:
I was calling you back about the help-button. What made you decide to call?
JT:
Well, I lee-uv out here on the layke, and its juss me out heeyer, so I thought I would git some information for if ah ever need it.
Me:
Well, (lying through my teeth) you don't sound old enough to need it; how young are you?
JT:
(proudly) I'm 81 years yung.
Me:
Oh wow! You sound so much younger! (not)
JT:
(hack, cough) Thank yew! I've herd that before. So tell me about this Lahf-Click thang.
Me:
Well, one push of the button and you've got help, whether you just want us to call a neighbor to come help you--
JT:
Oh there ain't no one around me. I own this layke frunt propertee and no one around for miles. Jess the way I like it!
Me:
Oh, ok well we can also call the paramedics for you if need be, and you can also push the button and we can dispatch police.
JT:
Oh I won't never need no po-leece. I've got a gun, and I ain't afraid to use it. You sound real nahce, where you cawlling frum?
Me:
I'm in Los Angeles.
JT:
Oh I been out there bah-fore. Ahm out here in Loosiana. Yew ever been?
Me:
Not since I was two, so I don't remember much.
JT:
Well, yew should come out and visit me on the layke. Yew know, I'm still real WILD.
Me:
Oh I bet you are.
JT:
Yew know it.
Me:
Do you still drive, James? We have a 911 phone for when you're away from home.
JT:
Oh yeah! I tole you I'm still real Wild. I can still do lots of thangs. You should come out an visit me here at the layke. I got four alleegators and I feed'em cookies.
Me:
Cookies? For alligators?
JT:
Oh yeah, I juss say, "c'mon boys" and they just come on over and I give'em cookies.
Me:
You're not afraid of them biting you?
JT:
Naw, them boys is mah friends.
Me:
Oh, I see...
JT:
Now this Lahf-Click thang, Ah don't know that Ah want it now, but yew could cawl me anytahm, even when yer not at work, ya know.
Me:
Uhm.
JT:
I bet yer WILD too arn'cha?
Me:
You know it.
JT:
Yeah, you should come visit me here at the layke.
Me:
If you bought a Life-Click from me maybe I will. (don't judge, mama needs a paycheck)
JT:
Haha! Well, you come on out heeyer and we'll see about that.
Me:
(feeble laughter)
JT:
Well, Ah'll let yew git back to work, but really, yew could cawl me anytime, when yer not at work even, oh-kay? Ah like tawlkin to yew.
Me:
Trust me, the pleasure has been all mine.
JT:
Ah'll bet it has.
(Coincidentally, when you google images for "wild old man" a picture of Lindsay Lohan comes up.)
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| I'm REAL Wild, ya know... |
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