kissing frogs

My Romcom-in-Real-Life Romance was short lived, as Hank* was unable to follow through on his romantic gestures. I was disappointed to say the least, but at least I found out quickly.

Next came Tony*. He was a tall, successful, ruggedly handsome business owner who seemed to think I hung the moon. I was really warming up to him as well, and considering our future options. We had been out a dozen or so times, when Hallow's Eve's Eve gave me a fright! We were hanging out at a bar talking with some people we just met. The election was quickly approaching and out it comes that Tony had already voted absentee/mail in ballot for HitlerVoldemortTrump, a man who scares the bejeezus out of me. A man who has a life-long reputation of being a sexual predator and a scam artist of a businessman. A man who regularly makes racist comments, and (at the time) had two pending trials in the next couple of months for fraud and for the rape of a 13 year old girl.

I told Tony that we needed to just not talk politics (so I could consider what to do with a guy I like who is obviously morally at odds with me). We talked about other things. We left the bar and were headed back home when we passed by a Hollywood iconic hotel and he asked if we could hop out for a drink in the hotel bar. Sure. More drinks sounds like a swell addition to this evening. At the bar, we started talking with the other people bellied up, and lo and behold Tony brings up Trump again! I am pretty drunk, so things get pretty heated. Long story short, I got so mad I got up and left him there! uhmNOthx buh-bye you can keep your selfish reasons for voting for evil.

Next was Johnny*. His online profile pix were dapper and handsome. When we met, his IRL self was moderatly attractive, but I felt no spark at all. On the plus side, we had a blast hanging out! He was hilarious. After 2 beers, I was ready to leave, but he doesn't ask and orders us another round. ...ok... well, I won't be rude, he is sweet, I'll hang out. After beer 3, I say I really must leave, and he very sweetly walks me to my car. I go in to give a polite hug, and he shoves his tongue down my throat. Dude. Johnny. I gave you no indication that I was open to that! Ugh. Next.

Finally I met Tyrone*, a gorgeous tatted up former musician turned real-job-holder. He was funny, smart, not voting for Trump, and seemed to be really my type. We had a first date that turned into practically three dates. Charming, sweet, and seemingly into me. Until he reaveals on date two that he is moving to Phoenix at the end of the month, but if things go well, we can fly back and forth on the weekends to "romp" and if things go really well, maybe more. Well call me flattered, you want to be FWB with me? Ugh. #ByeFelicia

I feel like I'm on an episode of MTV's Next.

But you gotta kiss a bunch of frogs to find your prince, right? Pucker up and kiss it...

*names changed to protect the frogs

breaking up is hard to do-o

So from Tinderland I found two seemingly normal-ish guys. One is well on his way to becoming my hunka-hunka-burning-love

and the other is sweet, funny, cute, and just... not the one for me. Our dates are always fun, I enjoy spending time, and if there were no one else, I might even keep hanging out with him just for shits and giggles. But for the most part, he is the one driving any communication or dates.

Well, now runner up is wanting to take things to the next level - not just drinking and having fun but he wants to cook me dinner and take me on a trip out of town and I want to do those things with my winner-winner-chicken-dinner! (pun intended)

So now I have to have a break up convo and we haven't even had the be-exclusive convo. Ugh.

To make things worse, runner-up and I have never talked on the phone. We have texted, we have hung out in person, but never talked on the phone. *side rant about dating in this day and age*
So now that means I either need to break up via text or in person. Well, I can't break up via text. That's just too much. Which means I have to do it in person. Which is THE WORST because now I have to go out on a date with him again in order to break up with him! I don't want to go out with him anymore!

I mean, its really his fault for making me have to break up in this way. He's the one that never called me, and we all know the guy has to call first. He's the one forcing me to strike the brutal blow right to his face. If he had just called me at least once, I could now call him and break up over the phone, like a civil human being. Because this is what happens when people break up over text.

Granted, I could just text him this video and see if he gets the hint...

Down, doobie doobie, down down...

boys are dumb

Let's back this on up to about four months ago.  My friend Bryan* (who I've known for a year or two and at times thought maybe had an interest in dating me and at times thought maybe not) invites me out of the blue to go see a concert with him, and he wants to grab a drink beforehand... I am unable to go, but it inspires a flurry of flirtexting over the next few days.  Then it dies down and we go back to our regularly scheduled programming, but he has now pulled himself out of the "friend zone." He's gone from guy-I-see-when-I-hang-out-with-that-circle-of-friends to hmm-maybe-this-could-be-worth-checking-out. But then nothing happens. I see him at a few functions, and nothing. What the...???

Well now we cut to just a few days before Christmas and Bryan and I find ourselves at a shindig and we've had tequila shots.  And we're making out.

So Bryan is tall, hilarious, sexy in that aloof way, and moderately not unattractive.  I mention we should hang out after the holidays. I mean, the kissing is fun, and he de-friend-zoned me a few months back, so why wouldn't we want to see if there's something there?

So we both leave for our separate family vaycays.  We text a little on Christmas.  We text a little when we are back in town for New Years Eve. And then... NOTHING!!!! WHAT THE HELL??  You ask me out, you kiss me (granted, they were 3 1/2 months apart) and then nothing??? Guess what buddy. You have found yourself a permanent home.

*name changed to protect the friend-zoned.