first date foibles

We had arranged to meet at 8PM at XYZ restaurant in DTLA. I had texted him my ETA (right on motherf*cking time) as I was leaving my house. I arrived just at 8, and had parked and was walking up to the restaurant at 8:05. When I entered the restaurant, it was moderately fine dining, and the host asked me if I had a reservation. I said I was meeting someone and I wasn't sure if he was here already. She offered to walk me through the restaurant to see if he was already seated. The restaurant and bar had only a smattering of people, so it was easy to see he wasn't there yet. We retreated to the lobby where I sat on the bench to wait for him. I texted him that I was at XYZ restaurant. He replied he would be there in 5 minutes.
*try not to be annoyed that he knew your ETA, it was now approx 7 minutes after the appointed time, and he still needed 5 more minutes to get to the place HE chose*
Ok, no prob. *waits* 

Another text:

Do you mind if I stop at the ATM real quick?

*try not to be fucking annoyed that he didn't take care of that BEFORE the date that he arranged*
*text girlfriend for moral support*
*take a deep breath and reply*

Reply text:

Are you fucking kidding me

You're already late of course I don't mind waiting longer

First you make me drive to you, then you are late, now this???

Ok.

 *texts girlfriend again for moral support. she urges a second chance; maybe he's nervous*

He calls.... no, he didn't mean for you to wait in the restaurant! Of course he wants you to come with him! And then you can decide where to go for dinner as we walk to the bank. *deep breath and smile*

We start to walk a few blocks to get to the bank/atm. He is tall and handsome and charming and walks on the outside and opens the door for you at the bank. Ok fine, let's overlook the first foible.

We decide on a little taco place that he likes because it is female and latina owned/operated and he likes supporting those types of businesses. *ok that is sweet and the right thing to do* Plus the tacos are to-die-for delish. I think, well, even if this doesn't go well I've learned of an amazing new taco spot. (Chicas Tacos) But it is going well. We are noshing and chatting about all kinds of things, connecting, finding common ground. He is redeeming himself posthaste.

We sat at that little red table.

Now Chicas doesn't serve alcohol, so he suggests walking to a bar he loves, if I'm open to spending more time with him. I am. We head down to Rudolph's Bar & Tea at the Freehand Hotel. It is gorgeous. Totally decked out mid-century modern (my fave) and they have specialty cocktails made with tea. Strange, but still pretty tasty. We have a drink there and are still having a great time. About halfway through the drink he attempts a kiss. Uhm, NO. Hold your horses bro. I tell him I don't kiss on the first date. (yes, sometimes I do, but as a rule, I don't. If you want all the reasons, that will have to be another time. I could give a whole dissertation of male/female expectations vs reality and hyper-sexualization and unsubstantiated intimacy) I can now see through the lens of hindsight that this was my first red flag.

From the get-go Dan was very affectionate. Holding my hand, touching my lower back, etc as we walked down the street. He said that was so no nefarious characters would mess with me. *sweet* At the restaurant and the bar, he is very complimentary. You are so sweet, so funny, the smartest woman I've met in a very long time. I can see this working out. I feel quite flattered, and my ego is massively enjoying the adulation. This is what I want, I think. I want a guy who thinks I hung the moon! My gut is nagging me though. How can he feel this strongly when we have spent barely two hours together.

He wants to go to another bar. They have live music, and we are having such a good time. We leave Rudolph's and walk to another bar I cannot remember the name of. I have a second drink, he does not. We laugh, we snuggle in a booth, we have a great time. He is still very vocal about how he feels about me. It almost makes me uncomfortable, because I am so unaccustomed to hearing such honeyed words.

It was late, and longer than I usually spend on a first date (gotta leave them wanting more, right?) so Dan walks me to my car. At the car, I am swayed, plus I really want to, so I give him a smooch. It is nice and he asks when he can see me again. (It is a Wednesday) and I tell him Monday. This is not some BS where he has to "earn" weekend dates (yes apparently some gals do that), I was just truly busy every single night till Monday.

Second red flag:

Oh so you're one of those girls.

What do you mean by that?!?

One of those girls who are always busy and I never get to see you.  

He starts to back away as if to leave.

No, wait! *why are you shrinking from me; we are having a fantastic time* I'm just actually busy this weekend until Monday. It just happens to be that way this week. Some weeks I am crammed busy, some weeks I have literally nothing going on outside of work. My schedule can be really varied.

Oh, OK. Well I guess Monday it is then. 

We agree that we will touch base to make a decision on what to do closer to Monday. I offer to drive him back to his house. That is when I find out that the reason he gave me the XYZ restaurant to meet at is because it is in the first floor of his apartment building.

YOU LAZY MOTHERF*CKER YOU DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE YOUR APARTMENT UNTIL I TEXTED YOU I WAS WAITING FOR YOU???? FUCK YOU. But of course I don't say this out loud. I have had a wonderful first date and if this is his only fault... well, that really isn't so bad. Nobody is perfect, and I am willing to embrace certain human flaws, especially if they can be fixed.

He promises the second date he will come to me...