fucking Bakersfield.

fucking Bakersfield. yeah I said it again.

AKA meth capital of southern cali

It's almost two hours away and it made me miss the Superbowl and St. Patrick's Day.  Like, only the two biggest drinking days of the year! And it is a job that drives me to drink, as if it weren't bad enough already.

My first day on the job was Superbowl Sunday.  I got called in desperation because two of the three teachers called out "sick."  Yeah, yeah, you're sick on Superbowl Sunday, not drinking with your friends at all -- "please pretty please will you please go to Bakersfield tomorrow? We'll pay for xyz extra and put you up in a hotel and name our first child after you?" (sigh) (double sigh) Good thing I really need the money because I was planning to go to a super bowl party just a few miles from my house with the ability to sleep over if I got too drunk to drive home.  Yeah. So as my friends were all toasting their team or their favorite Doritos commercial, I was tutoring little kids how to walk with a book on their heads.  Yeah.

Next, I find myself roped in to teach at Bakersfield for the remainder of the sessions there.  That's ok; there is only 4 sessions left and they will continue to pay me all this extra money, put me up in a hotel the night before, etc etc. Oh yeah, and I still need the money.  So yesterday was St. Patrick's Day.  And I'm Irish.  And I'm wearing my green accent tank top and green ring and green earrings with my required black business attire and I'm teaching kids to walk down the runway.  Aaaaand I'm completely sober.  Yeahhhhh.

This is the worst school schedule ever.  Who cares that I make gobs of money? Who cares that I actually enjoy spending time with these kids? I am missing valuable drinking hours! I am missing drunken "I love you, man" and blurry trips to the bathroom with girlfriends where they keep you from sitting on the pee'd on toilet.  I could have made multiple bad decisions, stayed out way too late, and be hungover right now.

I can't think of any other holidays that I would have to work on that would impede my drinking, but I feel certain if there is something, anything that this school could make me miss it will.  Especially if it involves heavy drinking.  Last saturday I missed a house party.  Not like that is a huge deal but still... I'm just going to have to drink extra during the week to make up for it. Bottom's up y'all.