BGP

There comes times in life when one must hoist up her big girl panties from where they had started to sag around her ankles and be the bigger man. (somehow talking about being a man and wearing panties in the same sentence just happened, and wasn't intended to be ironic.  how ironic.)

I have been invited to an event hosted by my former employers.  I felt that not going would send a message that I was afraid to be in the same room with the woman who essentially fired me (it was a requirement to "re-hire" me/all employees when they were moving locations and she didn't re-hire me. so, basically, fired) and going would mean I had to pretend to have a fabulous life that is so much better than had I been "re-hired."  And clearly my life is not fah-bulous right now as I shiver between frozen foods and the meat cooler slicing and dicing with hands that perpetually smell like onions no matter how often I was them.  Hmmm.... ok, well despite the likelihood of awkwardness this should be a fun event.  Like, at least as fun as a trip to the dentist.  And I want to show them that I don't need their stupid job and that being un-hired was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  I don't know why I even care, but I do.  So what do I need to succeed? 

First, a wing man. Someone I can count on to be there for me, to mingle with, to be an escape plan for the end of the evening, a bolster of support while we're there, and maybe would even have some fun themselves.  (Damn, this is where having a boyfriend would come in handy. grrrr...) Texted a few peeps and got one that is free and will come and be an amazing support system! Yes!!! 

Next, a way to spin this current hellhole job so that it sounds fun and easy-breezy.  Hmm.  Ok, well we will call it "part-time" so as to sound less committal as a career move and less essential for cashflow.  And hey, it was advertised as part-time so even though it is basically full-time we don't have to say that.  And we'll call it "wacky" and "fun" even though it is "horrendous" and "makes me want to stab someone in the eye." I can also say it's just a little "side-gig" for a "few extra bucks" as though my acting and writing work is providing me with enough and this is just vacation/nicer car/designer jeans/expensive handbag money.  And then we'll quickly change the subject.

Finally, the last key components.  Arrive juuuuust as the event is starting and leave before it is over.  Minimize risk of crying, embarrassment, and all-out lies.  "Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I don't work there. Who has the time?? My book publisher would kill me if I pushed one more deadline."  ... "Goodness! I just don't know how you still work there.  I mean, aren't you an actor like me? And you're still not on a TV show??? Honey, I'll talk to my producer and see if we can get you on as an extra." ... "Oh I never worked at any job for money.  Hahahahaa! Sweetie, that's what trust funds are for! I just like to discourse with the commoners so I know how to play one on TV."

Dah-ling! So good to see you... beneath me. 

*deep breath* (hoists BGPs) here goes nuthin.