Misconception or I should have known better

Remember when I used to work shopping for children?

I'll take this cute one, salesclerk.  Make sure you include the receipt.

Well, I got a chance to work on the other end of that. And boy was that juice not worth the squeeze.

My current part-time job is working for a 70+ year old acting a modeling school teaching kids and teens.  The curriculum is a 10 week course, and so far I have only subbed a few classes.  This past weekend I got the opportunity to work one of the recruiting events, or "free workshop" classes designed to entice kids to take the classes.

I got the email and it said to be there by 9:30AM, and there would be "workshops" at 10, 12, 3 and 5 and that lunch would be provided.  I figured that the last workshop would be maybe an hour or so and that I would be done by 6:30 or 7:00PM at the latest.  BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

We didn't start the first workshop until about 10:30 or 10:45AM due to technical difficulties, and the workshops were lasting anywhere from 2-3 hours EACH. That is 2-3 hours of trying to entertain kids ranging from 6-18 years old. Two to three hours of wrangling bored parents into clapping for everyone and who could care less about any other child but their own.  And then repeat these tasks for FOUR different workshops. The last workshop of the day started at about 6:30PM and I was not done until almost 9:00PM. I barely got 30 minutes to scarf down the free lunch provided (a soggy Subway sandwich) and was standing in my heels practically the whole day.  And YES I would like some cheese with my whine.

If I didn't like the regular teaching gig so much/it didn't pay as well as it does I would have walked out of there at about 5PM, giving them a few choice words not fit for young ears.  But.  I would like to continue to work for them.  So.  I stayed.  But now I know.  If they ever want me to work a "free workshop" day again, they can go fuck themselves.

knock knock knockin' on...

My roommate opened the curtains today and I thought I might have gone blind.  I have not seen the sun in three days.  I have been at death's door with the flu.

Let me say this. I do not get sick.  I am not a sickly person.  You can hack and cough all around me, sneeze in my face, and I will continue on my merry way as healthy as an ox.

oxen

I have no idea where I caught this awful bug, but the downhill slide started at work Saturday.  I thought by the afternoon I was just feeling run down because it was a long day. Then the evening I had a chill, but I thought it was because the door the outside was open and there was a draft.  Until I got out to my car  to drive home and realized the temperature outside was 67 degrees.  And I was shivering in my sweater and coat. This was not good.

For the next 36 hours I was thisclose to death.  Or at least I wished I was because if I was dead I would not feel as awful as I felt.

Finally, after a trip to urgent care and the pharmacy, I am on the mend.  And I have watched more TV in the past three days than I would normally watch in a month.  I think my eyes are turning square.  And I never thought I would actually say this, but... I am bored of watching TV.  In fact, I am bored of everything.  Who wants to bring me a cookie? I promise not to breathe near you...

GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS

note to anyone who might ever want to teach a business seminar:

when you tell the attendees literally about 40 or 50 times that you aren't interested in their money, one begins to think "he doth protest too much."  uhmmmkay? not to mention that on the first day of your two day seminar you could have cut out about FOUR HOURS of the total TEN that we were sitting on our asses. Four hours of my day was spent listening to you fluffing your own ego, bragging and oozing self entitlement about how amazing your life is and how much money you have.  I'm not sure how you can see, Joel Bauer, as your head is so far up your ass it must seem like night to you all the time.

hey, who turned out the lights?!?!?

Bitter Betty, party of one.

Not to say that I didn't learn a ton, and I actually picked up some really useful tips and tricks that I am going to apply.  And the price was certainly right (FREE!!).  But that is time spent I will never get back.  Those 4-5 wasted hours where you blathered on about how amazing you are and the wonderful things you've done and how all these people have paid you all this money for the stupid shit you've done. WHO THE FUCK CARES??? Give me a 30-60 minute bio at the start of the event so I know who I'm learning from and then get to it. Jeez.  And whoever buys your stupid dvd set and 8 day business course will buy it, and those that won't buy it, you aren't convincing us by being a self-righteous prick.

Whew.  I guess I needed to get that off my chest. I went with a friend and she felt the same way:

clearly he was captivating enough to keep us all awake... er, uh...

Oh- and if I happen to get filthy stinking rich by using the tips and tricks I learned at the seminar, then please disregard anything said here.  Thank you.

Mr. Right... Now

this is a monumental day... I'm deleting my online dating account.  granted, I've been threatening this for a while, but it was with the intent of trying another site.  I have just disabled my online profile, and have no intention of reactivating it. Ahhh! There, I said it.

You remember when I was drinking tequila and making out with a boy? Around that same time another boy (who happens to know the tequila-tongued-now-friend-zoned-boy. yikes) asked me out on a date.  He is considerably younger than me, so I'm really not sure what came over me when I said "yes." Normally I wouldn't even consider going out with someone so much younger than me. I mean, I'm too young to be a cougar, and I'm no Mrs Robinson.

But for some reason I agreed to go out with him, and the whole time I was away for vacation he was texting me and then asked when he could see me again upon my return.  Again I'm not really sure why I agreed to go out with him.  On paper, he is not what I was looking for at all.  But... for some reason I knew I should give him a chance.  Maybe it is my childish sense of humor or my youthful demeanor, but I cannot remember a time I have laughed more with a person.   Anyway, we've gone out several times over the past two weeks, and ... how cute is this... last night he asks if I will "be his girlfriend." I feel like I just got asked to go steady!

So I guess I have a boyfriend now? A twinkie in the city? Ermahgerd!!

Except that there is always a double standard... I wonder if when we go out people think about Kevin* and I the same way they would look at an older man/younger woman? I mean I do care somewhat what others think of me, but the other part of me likes the similarity I now have to Demi Moore...

although this didn't turn out too well for Mrs. Kutcher, did it? hmm

*no, that's not his real name. 

boys are dumb

Let's back this on up to about four months ago.  My friend Bryan* (who I've known for a year or two and at times thought maybe had an interest in dating me and at times thought maybe not) invites me out of the blue to go see a concert with him, and he wants to grab a drink beforehand... I am unable to go, but it inspires a flurry of flirtexting over the next few days.  Then it dies down and we go back to our regularly scheduled programming, but he has now pulled himself out of the "friend zone." He's gone from guy-I-see-when-I-hang-out-with-that-circle-of-friends to hmm-maybe-this-could-be-worth-checking-out. But then nothing happens. I see him at a few functions, and nothing. What the...???

Well now we cut to just a few days before Christmas and Bryan and I find ourselves at a shindig and we've had tequila shots.  And we're making out.

So Bryan is tall, hilarious, sexy in that aloof way, and moderately not unattractive.  I mention we should hang out after the holidays. I mean, the kissing is fun, and he de-friend-zoned me a few months back, so why wouldn't we want to see if there's something there?

So we both leave for our separate family vaycays.  We text a little on Christmas.  We text a little when we are back in town for New Years Eve. And then... NOTHING!!!! WHAT THE HELL??  You ask me out, you kiss me (granted, they were 3 1/2 months apart) and then nothing??? Guess what buddy. You have found yourself a permanent home.

*name changed to protect the friend-zoned. 

hoopty ride

Remember that one time last year (I love saying "last year" even though it was less than two months ago) I quit my job? Well, I was so excited to be outta there that when I raced out to my car, I hopped in and didn't notice the note on my windshield until I had already started to drive away. I saw it with a sinking feeling.  I hopped out, grabbed the note, and sure enough,

I hit your car pulling into the space next to you, I'm very sorry.  Please call (555) 555-5555 for my info (insurance) sorry again. Have a good day. 

And with that, my heart fell to my knees. My precious baby! My sweet love! I cannot believe somebody hurt you!! I race around the car, searching for the wound.  One lap around and I don't see anything.  What the? ... Second lap around, I notice a teensy small scratch and ding on the rear passenger door.  HUGE sigh of relief...

So finally after the holidays and being sick and trading emails with the poor kid who scratched my car, my sweet baby is in the shop getting repaired this week.  So I am going to rent a car while mine is being worked on.  I head into the rental place and they let me know that due to some mass-rental through Emerson College, my choice was a GMC Yukon or a GMC Yukon.  uhm... okay, I guess I'll take the Yukon?

This thing is HUGE. I mean, you could run over a small child and not notice.

"Did you hear something?"

"No, did you?"

"Guess not."

Seriously, I was driving this tank around and the only thing bigger than me on the road was an 18 wheeler.  Now, on the one hand, it gave me a little more sympathy for the people on the road driving these things.  They are huge and squirelly and can't exactly zip around.  Changing lanes requires a uniformed cop holding back the other cars on the road.  They aren't exactly the easiest things to drive.  But on the other hand, why the hell do you need so much car??? Are you really hauling that much crap around?

Here are some "fun" comparison specs:

Yukon: 5,685 pounds
Mazda 3: 2,866 pounds
(the Yukon is 2.3 times the size of my car)

Yukon: 222.4 inches/18.5 feet in length; 76.8 inches/6.4 feet in height (yes, I practically need a ladder to get into this ride)
Mazda 3: 180.7 inches/15 feet in length; 57.9 inches/4.8 feet in height

The Yukon can haul up to 9600 pounds!!! Someone tell me why anyone in LA needs to haul 9600 pounds.  Your kids aren't that fat.  Wanna know how much my Mazda can tow? Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Which is FINE because most of the time the only thing I'm hauling around is my own butt!

Anyway, I've got this behemoth for a week, so ... anyone need to move some furniture?

the smell of desperation

It kind of has a sweet stench, like burnt hair or air freshener sprayed just after someone drops a load in the terlet.

YES, I blurred her email.  Y'all don't need to be up in her bidness.

Poor little girl, little does she know she's on the road to Chatsworth (click the link and look at #1) As much as I complain about my shitty jobs and how bad it is to look for a job, at least I am not posting on CL looking for someone who likes a thick mixed girl cloaked in the air of desperation. Especially since I'm about 20-25 pounds lighter than her and about as white as a person could be.

Now get out there and look for my pony.  See if you can find it on "missed connections." The ad might read something like this:

Missing your pony pretty little white girl? Why don't you cry to daddy and see if he will buy you another one. 

True story, I went to high school with a kid from an affluent family (white boy) who, on his 16th birthday was the proud recipient of a slightly used Jeep Wrangler.  He promptly wrecked it, so his parents got him a mid-range SUV.  Guess what? He wrecked that one too. So they bought him a brand-spankin-new Porsche 911.  How does this make sense? White people are dumb.

bahahahahaha he's an Aggie!!!

happy nude year

first post of 2013... and I'm sick.  Sore throat and snotty nose.  Ugh.  What a way to start things out.  Thankfully The Tudors has just been added to Hulu Plus so I've got that on marathon. Nothing like a show full of exceptionally hot men getting naked all the time to make a girl feel better.

Henry Cavill aka Henry Droolville

Jonathan Rhys Meyers aka Jonathan I want his Oscar Meyer

One more for good measure.  mmmm.

OK so maybe there are only two exceptionally hot men getting naked all the time. Whatever. Quit yelling at me.

Anyway I've never really been one for resolutions anyway.  Lose weight, make more money, blah blah blah.  Why do you need a new calendar year to get off your butt and do something for yourself or others? Resolutions never last a whole year anyway.  I do have some goals for this year and am excited to accomplish them.  Although, I got a car last year so if I get a job and a boyfriend this year, do I stop writing? hmmm... to be continued...