Diet is "Die" with a "T"

I had a rude awakening at the beginning of the year. My good friend Claire had begun a new business venture, and I thought I would help her by joining her fitness challenge.  She makes money for each person that participates. Plus I love a good challenge! Well, first thing we had to do was measure ourselves and step on the scale and... *gasp* how in the Sam-Hell did I put on 15+ pounds???? My pants are a little muffin toppy, and yeah my boobs are bigger, but wtf?!?!?

FATTY!!!!

Anyway, I immediately thanked my lucky stars for the wakeup call and the impending diet/workout plan.  The good news -- it is five weeks later and I'm nearly 12 pounds lighter.  The bad news, dammit I'm hungry.

I have never had such bad cravings; wanting to eat everything in sight! Maybe that's because I just ... ate everything in sight. That is, I just ate whatever I wanted.

And then I didn't exercise for months on end.

So I guess I shouldn't have been SO surprised that I had put on a few ell-bees.

It is just so strange, this calorie-counting, this withholding of foods, this ... diet. Or as Garfield would say:

Maybe this is just what happens when you reach "a certain age." Maybe finally finally finally my metabolism has caught up with me. ...or maybe I just drank too many empty calories. Drunky.

Either way, I'm powering through. Gonna drop at least 5 more pounds. Another 10 and I'm back to my high school weight.  hmmm.  nothing tastes as good as thin feels, eh? We'll see about that...

All the single ladies put your hands up

Fuck you, Beyonce, you shouldn't even be putting your own hand up to your own song because *newsflash* you're NOT SINGLE.
Sigh...
Single AGAIN. And yes, I was dumped. 
And I'm in fucking bakersfield teaching.
And the idiots at the school office have their heads up their asses and don't do their work so I had a very stressful day.
And I'm hungry because I'm doing a fitness challenge (more on this later).
And there's a line at chipotle out the door, and they have stopped taking our orders because they have online orders to fill and the dumb lady behind me keeps thwapping me with her kid's blanket and/or her hair and she won't shut up talking to the little butterball Anthony.

Anthony! Look at Mommy! Anthony! The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout, down came the rain and WASHED the spider out! Out came the sun and dried up all the rai---

And then I turned around and punched her in the face.

OK, OK, so I didn't punch her in the face. But I really wanted to. Especially when she chastised her kid for not paying attention to her. Um, lady, he is maybe 12 months old. He has the attention span of a gnat. And you are clearly an idiot.

Don't fuck with me when I'm hungry.

I finally fed the beast (ahem) and became the beauty again.  (see what I did there? I loaded that with a compliment to myself.) And Anthony's dumb mama escaped a beat-down. At least for today...