Douchery: Part Two

Remember that one time I joined Tinder? I was flabbergasted by the number of atrocious profile pix I encountered in the first 24 hours of membership. There were so many I didn't want to overwhelm by putting them all in one entry. You can see Douchery: Part One here, and read on to see the rest.

These are by far more horrifying than the ones you've already seen. *shudders*

Y'all keep in mind this is his MAIN PHOTO used to attract members of the opposite sex. Eww. I do not want to see your little black curlies peeking over the top of your pants nor do I need to see the outline of your manbits in the fabric. This is so much more offensive than your standard shirtless picture. Dear darling idiot Jacob, I almost hope you thought you were posting on Grindr not Tinder, because that is who it looks like you are trying to attract.

My guess is Sergio has a small penis. Why else would your main profile picture be a phallus gun? Also, if I were to go out with him I would be more than a little scared. If you advertise yourself as a gun, I worry that you are abusive, controlling, and an asshole. No, no, not all gun owners are these things, just like #notallmen rhetoric. But not all gun owners put their gun in a place their face should be.

Look, I am not a prude (well, maybe a little) and am cool with whatever y'all want to do to each other consensually in the privacy of your homes. But in "public"? In the everlasting world of the internets where things NEVER DISAPPEAR??? Obscene. And what is it with guys with armband/tribal tattoos wearing women's things? (see my prior post if you haven't already)

Yes, that is a man wiping his ass with the American flag. It was so unbelievable that I had to look twice too. Let me be clear - I am the first to fight for free speech. My mother is a librarian, for chrisssakes. I have never been through a nudescope at the airport because I feel it violates my rights. I have the most extremely opposite views of Westboro Baptists but would fight for their right to speak their minds; and I love that we live in a country where we can all say what we want and not go to jail for it. All that being said, I do not want to see someone basically taking a dump in front of me on a dating site.

So maybe it is reallyreallyreally important that you let me know you own a gun, or that you shit on America. You can have up to six pictures, put it in as number three or four. Or even better, write about it in your bio. I know, you only get 500 words in the bio section and a picture is worth 1000, but sometimes brevity is best.