Disappointment, served cold.

So now that I'm one of those annoying people that counts calories, I look at things like serving size, grams of protein, and sodium percentages.  So why do so many of them make no sense?

First, the ones that make sense. One glass of wine, one serving. Yes, I still drink some wine, just not every night by the bottle. Wow that makes me sound like an alcoholic. I swear I'm not. Protesting doesn't make it sound any better, does it...

And a serving size that somewhat makes sense, Lindor truffles. Serving size, three truffles.

I could eat just three truffles. In fact, with some restraint, I could even just eat one or two. I am so saintly.

But then we get to pickle spears.  Serving size... 3/4 of a spear. Who on earth eats 3/4th of a pickle spear?

And don't even get me started on Girl Scout cookies.  You mean to tell me that a serving isn't one full sleeve of Thin Mints?? Preposterous.

Proof of their addictive qualities

FOUR COOKIES? That's it??? What? Who in their right mind can stop after only FOUR???? (sigh) the things I do to fit into my jeans...

Friday Night! Yeah! Wooo...

What to do on a Friday night when you're poor, single, and on a diet? Not much, apparently. My big event was a bowl of cocoa crispies and season 1 episode 1 of House of Cards.

uhh hello, of course I eat the GMO free, wind-powered kind!

Which, by the way, after watching the episode I wouldn't even think of watching another if it weren't for every other person's facebook status:

"OMGGGG House of Cards!! Whaaaaaaattt??!?!?!?!?"

and

"House of Cards -- SOOOO GOOOOD!!"

and

"House of Cards is my lover!"

etc.

What is it about the show? I mean, it has a talented cast, but the first episode did nothing for me. I guess it wouldn't be the first show in history to have a lame first episode and be an amazing show.  OR... maybe there just weren't enough shirtless buff men.  *ahem* Arrow and Beauty and the Best and even Vampire Diaries *ahem*  Wait... does this make me a teenage girl?  So what if I like a little eye candy on the boob tube? While listening to One Direction? And reading Bop magazine?

Disclaimer: I don't actually listen to One Direction but I might listen to NKOTB...

Maybe it's a good thing that I don't get too into this show. I watch way too much TV as it is. I should be spending more time doing productive shit. Like donating time to a charity or holding AIDS babies or painting my nails. Yeah, that's what I'll do. My cuticles look a little ragged.

Ooohhh so fancy

 

 

Diet is "Die" with a "T"

I had a rude awakening at the beginning of the year. My good friend Claire had begun a new business venture, and I thought I would help her by joining her fitness challenge.  She makes money for each person that participates. Plus I love a good challenge! Well, first thing we had to do was measure ourselves and step on the scale and... *gasp* how in the Sam-Hell did I put on 15+ pounds???? My pants are a little muffin toppy, and yeah my boobs are bigger, but wtf?!?!?

FATTY!!!!

Anyway, I immediately thanked my lucky stars for the wakeup call and the impending diet/workout plan.  The good news -- it is five weeks later and I'm nearly 12 pounds lighter.  The bad news, dammit I'm hungry.

I have never had such bad cravings; wanting to eat everything in sight! Maybe that's because I just ... ate everything in sight. That is, I just ate whatever I wanted.

And then I didn't exercise for months on end.

So I guess I shouldn't have been SO surprised that I had put on a few ell-bees.

It is just so strange, this calorie-counting, this withholding of foods, this ... diet. Or as Garfield would say:

Maybe this is just what happens when you reach "a certain age." Maybe finally finally finally my metabolism has caught up with me. ...or maybe I just drank too many empty calories. Drunky.

Either way, I'm powering through. Gonna drop at least 5 more pounds. Another 10 and I'm back to my high school weight.  hmmm.  nothing tastes as good as thin feels, eh? We'll see about that...