how to be a hipster

If you are a dude, wear a boyfriend sweater, a slouchy zip up hoodie, a floppy beanie, don't ever shave or cut your hair or shower. OR, dress like a girl; skinny jeans, shorts with tights underneath, tank top, and Blossom hat.

If you are a girl, pretty much anything that gives you cankles, midriff shirts, overalls with one side unhooked (ala Will Smith circa Fresh Prince and this top model) and anything your mother wore to work in the 90s.

The current trends of hideous fashion - mom jeans, doc martins, large floral prints, overalls - makes me think that millenials are even dumber than we give them credit for. Learn from our mistakes young'uns. We wore hideous fashions so you don't have to. That's the way fashion is supposed to work. You need to find your own hideous fashion choices so your children can know what not to wear.

I think this makes me old... I just want to wear what I want to wear, fashion be damned. Give me my comfy jeans and t-shirts and classic black pants and heels that will never be out of style (or really in style either I guess) and I'll look down my nose at you young people who look ridiculous.

Galentines Day

One of my close girlfriends Nikki* started harassing me a few weeks ago about Valentine's Day. We're both single, and she thought we should celebrate Gal-entine's Day with a couple of other awesome, funny, talented, gorgeous single ladies. I was interested, but not super gung-ho. She was adamant that we fine females stick together on this day of romance and do something together and spent some quality energy recruiting us women to hang out with her. What exactly we were going to do was was up in the air, but something. 

Now I'm thinking wine and a rom-com on Netflix, or cheesecake and a comedy at the local movie theater that allows adult beverages. Chill with a side of booze.

Dear, sweet, lovely Nikki group texts the gals that there are some bands playing and wouldn't we all like to go see the bands? Only $25! And wouldn't that be the perfect Galentine's day event???

First, there's no cheesecake or movie in the equation. Second, I've never heard of these bands. BUT. Maybe it would be fun. I've done concerts for NYE, so why not other over-hyped holidays? I search for these bands' songs online.

...

It is the most horrendous, whiny, awful Emo crap I've ever heard. One of the songs I actually have heard before, way back in the 90s, and I remember thinking it was a stupidly horrible song back then!

I text her as politely as possible that I would rather stab myself in the ear with an ice pick than spend my hard earned money to listen to these horrible bands, and maybe we could do something else (anything else). I hoped the other gals would back me up... they were deferentially quiet.

Nikki said she understood it was totally Emo and not really very good, but had nostalgia for her from her youth.

And that she was going to go anyway.

So. After weeks of campaigning for a Galentine's day with me and the other girls, she is bailing. For a shitty concert with men who whine like 4 year olds who didn't get their way. Instead of hanging with the girls she asked to hang out with. uhm-huh. Ditched on Galentine's Day! Well at least I can spend it how I was going to - a bottle of wine and comedic actresses making me laugh.

*name changed to protect the truly sweet friend I'm hanging out to dry for the sake of a blog post