Camptown Races

A friend on facebook just posted a video that is nearly a minute long of her twins running in circles. To a song that plays out of one of their toys (read: tinny, no words, annoying as f*ck). She was giggling in the background and the caption on the video was "you're welcome."

...for what? for taking away 50 seconds of my life I can never get back? for getting a terribly grating children's song stuck in my head? for posting something I want to see less than that other friend on facebook that posts a picture of what he eats every day? Seriously. I would rather see a picture of food on a plate (ooh! look! chicken and steamed vegetables!) that watch your child act like an idiot.

literally her kids looked JUST LIKE THIS

Call me insensitive, but just because you think your child acting like a dog chasing it's tail is cute doesn't mean it is. Look, I like kids. I really do! I babysat from ages 9-24. I have been referenced as the "baby whisperer" for an acquaintance's kid that would cry when anyone held her except her mom (and apparently me). Given the option, I'd rather sit at the kids table than the grownup's table. Of course, this could also just mean that I am a kid and would rather talk about the best way to projectile a pea out of one's nostril than the latest fad diet or Lady Gaga or if the President is awesome/sucks.

Maybe this video is something that only parents understand. My other friend (who also has kids) commented on said video about how cute it was, and there was a litany of other "awww" "adorable!!" and "love it!" comments. Maybe I am in the minority. Either that or she has really mean friends who think it is just darling that her boys appear to have suffered brain trauma.

Yikes. I think I might be an awful person. It may be a good thing that my ovaries are shriveling up and my eggs are spoiling by the carton and that I seem destined to be an old maid cool aunt. That is sooooo much better than mommy dearest...

Mortal Kombat

In my quest to find fun new ways to workout, I have been trying the classes at the gym. Tonight's class was a pseudo boxing-karate-MMA workout called Bodycombat. I have to say there were more men in this group exercise class than any other class I've ever taken.... and I can understand why. It was like we were in a real-life version of a video game.

Imagine kicking and punching to this soundtrack:

The songs played didn't have the actual words "Mortal Kombat" to them, but you could use your imagination. And clearly these dudes were imagining themselves as such.

Hiiii-YAH!!

and

HUUUUHNAHH!!!

and

I am fierce ninja warrior!

so that they could ultimately (never) get this

Who, by the way, in reality would look more like this

Why do the women in video games always have huge inflated fake boobies that always seem to be missing nipples? Either that or the doc botched the job so bad the nips are no longer in the center of the boob...

I think I will file that with the questions of why some men think porn is real, why some people watch Fox News and think it is real, or why some people think global warming isn't real. *shakes head* *rolls eyes* *eats a cookie*

Call Me Sherlock

I am a little too good at cyber-stalking. I mean, researching online. If there is something to be found on a certain someone and I want to find it, I will. It's how I found out last year that my ex had a new girlfriend almost immediately after he dumped me. It's how I found out that a different ex (who somehow in five years of dating was never able to take me back home with him) took the very next girl to his high school reunion. I figured out who a guy was from OK Cupid with just a username and a picture. I am very very very good at finding things.

Found them!

But sometimes things are best left un-found.  I may or may not have had a drink or three and cyber-stalked browsed around my ex Todd's social media, which led me to his friend's social media, which led me to a post I really didn't want to read. Ugh!! Bob Newhart really says it best: "Stop it!"

Watch the video. Six minutes of genius. A good reminder to us all.

Fly away, little trolls

Redbull Tinder gives you wings, apparently.

I saw maybe 3 or 4 guys with these "wing" pictures before I started snapping screenshots. They are almost as prevalent as dude with dog/tiger/kid/faraway land pictures.

I mean, really? Ugh. Get me some Redbull, stat, so I can fly the f*ck out of here.

Dumb-a Zumba

For about the past year, I have been doing P90X3 with Tony Horton hears a Who and I have been getting a bit tired of the same-old Tony.

So about two months ago, I joined a gym to mix things up. I have been trying out some of the classes, and last week I tried Zumba for the first time. I am not a dancer, but it's not like I have two left feet either. I can carry a tune in a bucket and I have a left and a right foot. But... I looked a bit like a daddy long legs trying to be Ginger Rogers.

Not cute. There was a woman right in front of me that was, ahem, larger than most of the other women in class, but let me tell you... she was Zumba Queen!! She was sexy, sassy, and Zumba'd her ass off! I was so jealous of her hips that didn't lie. To quote Shakira:

And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it
So you can keep on shaking it

I coulda watched her shake it all night! She had this darling skirt over her capri leggings, a tank with a bright sports bra underneath... If I take it again I will wear a cute outfit and put my hips through a lie detector test and then maybe just maybe I won't look like such a spaz.